I am not sure how the time has flown by, but I leave to come back to the US on Monday morning. I feel like I have been in mourning a little bit for the last few days. There are so many things that make me excited about coming back to the States, and I am holding on tightly to those so that I can move through the sadness of leaving the D.R. I am excited to run outside...see dear friends...talk to my family without Skype getting killed because of slow internet connections...go to coffee shops...drive on roads that aren't complete madness...have more clothes to choose from than those I have been wearing for two months...maybe do a little less sweating...cook my own food...you see where I am going with this. That mental list is what keeps me together when I have teary-eyed moments and try to imagine what it will be like to get back to 'normal life.' Life here changes you, and while I think about the things on that list, I still wonder how long it will take me to quit automatically saying 'hola' when I see people, or get used to not seeing my Dominican friends every day.

In the same way I will start to slip out of the habits of living here, I will probably also slip out of the ways I have been changed by my extended time here. I will be able to forget sometimes about extreme poverty, because I won't see it everyday. I will be able to forget what it is like for people to depend on God for food and shelter everyday, because that is not the life I have been forced to live. I will have the luxury of air-conditioning everywhere, and there will be no more moments when I don't understand the words people are saying to me. I will forget that everything, even something as simple as going to the bank, is more difficult and takes much longer here. My prayer is that while I know I will forget some of the things God has shown me, that I will not go back to the person I was when I left the US. I hope I will see things around me and be reminded of life here. I hope I will see God in the faces of people around me in New Jersey in the same way I have seen God in the faces here. And I hope that instead of getting into a groove and a routine that revolves around my own studies and needs, I will allow God to direct my days in the same way I have been able to be directed here. I pray that my days are not just about me...

Our roomates in Haiti :)

Reflections from a few days in Port au Prince

I just returned from a few days in Haiti, and I am not really sure where to begin the description. Just being in Haiti is exhausting. Your mind is working so hard to take in everything you are seeing. You are working to push away the sadness, the despair, and the amazement of what has happened and is happening in Haiti. The smell is overwhelming. Everywhere you look, there is a sea of humanity. Random items are sold on the sides of the street, so there is always something to look at as you are driving by. The toppled buildings and half-standing structures are everywhere. Tents are on every corner, beside houses, in front of houses, in every open area of Port au Prince.

Even with all of the destruction and pervasive poverty, there is something beautiful about the city. Port au Prince sits between towering mountains and the ocean. The location is gorgeous. Houses seem to climb up the hills, piled on top of each other. Every turn of the roads where we stayed gave great views of the city below us. I am so thankful for the chance to spend a few more days getting to know this city.

In addition to just getting to see more of the city, my friend Anna and I were able to stay with some great friends. We were able to experience a few days of their life in Port au Prince, as well as having some really special time to hear their stories from January 12th. I can't begin to explain how powerful it is to sit down with someone and have them share so openly what it was like to try to survive...how they were pulled from the rubble of a collapsed building...how they wandered the streets of Port au Prince after the earthquake with nothing in mind but getting to their families...how they slept outside in tents behind their house even when it was no longer necessary, because it was much more frightening to begin to sleep inside again. Their stories would blow your mind, break your heart, and leave you amazed and thankful that God is good, even in the face of disaster.

Our friend Pashoo sat with us on Monday night as we ate dinner and shared his story with us. He was working out at the gym when the earthquake hit, and was on the third floor of a building that collapsed. Someone pulled him out from under a wall, and freed him from the building. He broke and dislocated his elbow, but proceeded to walk to his mother's school to try to find his family. He said he has no idea how he survived. Then he said, "I mean, as a Christian, I know how I survived. But as a human, I have no idea how I lived." January 12th changed the way he lives. As I think back to everything he said over the days we were visiting, I can see that everything he wants for his life, his career, and the use of his gifts is not only for himself, but for the betterment of Haiti. He has big dreams, and hope that God will use him to do great things for Haiti. I hope that everyone I spent time with who loves Haiti will used by God to help change that place. I am excited to see the future of Port au Prince because of these men who are going to do great things for their country.

Now, on a much lighter note, if you want to meet the people I stayed with in Haiti, check out the music video I have posted! They are a well-known kompa band called Toxic, so as you watch this video, you will see our friends! They took amazing care of us over the course of our days in Haiti, in addition to just being really incredible people. We even got stopped a few times because people wanted to say hi to them. That's right, friends...I was rollin with famous musicians in Haiti. Booyah!

A weekend in Nagua

Have you ever been on one of those road trips where you know about 30 minutes after leaving that this is going to be an amazingly fun, relaxing, perfect weekend that you will remember for a long time? That is how I felt this Friday after I left with my friend Emmanuel for the weekend. We got in the car with his little sister, his mom, and his uncle to head to Nagua, which is where his extended family lives. Nagua is on the northern coast of the DR, and is home to beautiful beaches, quiet, small town streets, and stars you can actually see at night. Leaving Santo Domingo, a city of 4 million people, for a few days in the country is always a welcome retreat.

I can't tell you exactly what it was that made the weekend great. Maybe it was how warm and welcoming his family was. Maybe it was having a ton of quality time with a friend I dearly love. Maybe it was walking down the beach for hours, just talking and enjoying the day. Maybe it was sitting around all morning on Saturday, reading Barbara Brown Taylor, and being reminded of why I love the ministry of preaching. Maybe it was laying around Sunday afternoon with my friend's mom and listening to her tell me stories of her family, including some real hardships they have experienced. I don't know exactly what made this the ideal weekend, but I know I came back feeling welcomed, loved, accepted, rested, cared for, and happy.

I think one of the most powerful moments happened on Saturday morning. Emmanuel's mom is one of 13 children. This weekend, 7 of the siblings were in Nagua, including two who were winding down a visit and heading back to the US that day. I woke up and was sitting outside reading when some of Emmanuel's aunts called me into the room with their mother, who is ill and spending much of her time in bed. We gathered in her room to have a time of prayer with all of the siblings before Emma's two aunts left to return to the US. I never know what to expect when families graciously invite me into their moments, but I wasn't disappointed by this one. These family members, who clearly love each other so dearly, sat around and sang together for a while. They sang with the confidence of a family who has been singing beautifully together for years...each person knew whether they were to sing harmony or melody, whether they were to sing high or low, and who would take the lead on the song. It was a beautiful moment to watch...the ease with which they harmonized, the joy on their faces as they sang, but also the sadness that this may be one of those last times with all of them singing with their mother. As the singing winded down, they joined each other in prayer, for their mother, for safe travel for their sisters, for the joy of being together and the sadness of being apart, for God's continued presence and provision for their lives. It was a moment I was thankful to witness, and one I was humbled to be a part of. I am continually inspired by the faith of the people I encounter here. I am continually inspired by their hospitality and the warmth with which they welcome me into their lives. I am continually amazed that God has brought me here and continues to bless me everyday. I am humbled by my inability to live in such a warm, hospitable way, and hope I will go home and do my best to welcome people into my home with the same graciousness that has been shown to me.

This weekend refreshed me, encouraged me, and brought me such joy. I went to three different beautiful beaches. I read a book I love. I was reminded how much I love ministry and am excited to get back to Princeton and learn more. I was reminded of how much I love and miss my own family. And I was amazed by how much I deeply love this country. That is a lot to pack into a weekend, but I can't think of anything better.

Caught between two very different worlds

(my little buddy Lovensly, before he busted his lip on the playground!)

I feel caught between two worlds. On one hand, I live part of the time in a nice hotel, in my boss' hotel room that he has year round and would currently be empty if not for my taking up residence in it. I can escape the heat when I need to, return to my clean, neat, air-conditioned room, and even take advantage of the gym or the pool. Delicious coffee is waiting for me in the morning, before I get in my car (another nice perk I currently have) and drive out to Cielo where another world awaits.

When I choose not to stay in the hotel, which is becoming more often, I stay in Bayona, the larger region where Cielo and Nazaret are located, in an apartment with my friend Anna. We sleep in the heat, with windows open, with fans in the bed with us to make it more bearable. I sleep wearing bug spray. We often come home to find that there is no electricity, with no knowledge of when it might turn back on. The power goes out several times a day, and unless you have an inverter, you are in the dark until it miraculously returns. That means that the fans in our bed usually turn off around 4am and stay off until power returns around 9am (at least that has been the pattern lately, but who really knows). That means wandering around the apartment at night with flashlights when we arrive home to no lights. We have also gotten into the habit of going on walks around Bayona, going through Cielo and Nazaret, and stopping to talk to friends along the way. It is a great way for me to practice Spanish, a great way to see more people, and a fun addition to a night that could be spent sitting in a hot casa. Tonight, it started raining when we were at about the furthest point from the apartment, which was a fun addition. Dominican men sing to us a lovely song that basically says they need an americana to get their visa. I eat fresh fruit purchased from carts on the street for about one meal a day. I get up at 6:30am to walk my friend's dog with him, because that is the only time any form of outdoor exercise is bearable.

I am living between these two worlds of comfort and poverty. I spent the morning sitting in the clinic with a precious Haitian boy named Lovensly, who busted his lip playing on the playground. Anna spotted the 50 pesos to pay for the clinic, all of about $1.50, so that his family wouldn't have to worry about it. I sat with him and taught him Spanish vocabulary, as he continues to learn Spanish now that he has moved here after the earthquake in Haiti. Then, I went back to the hotel to watch the World Cup game. I am not sure which world I am supposed to stay in. Do I stay in the difficult, sweaty, emotionally exhausting world of extreme poverty and struggle? Or do I give in to the desire for comfort? Do I allow myself to continue to live like an American, or do I let it all go and do my best to dive fully into the hardships of real life in the DR? I know what I should do, but when I have the option of comfort, it is harder than I thought to fully give in. I wish my boss had not insisted that I stay in the hotel. Part of me really wishes he had not offered me his car for the month. I know what I should be doing, but comfort is so much easier...

I have been enjoying a Monday of rest after a weekend of adventure. On Friday and Saturday, my friend Anna and I decided we had to get out of Santo Domingo for a little fun and r&r. We headed to Jarabocoa, which is a few hours away in the mountains of the DR. It is gorgeous...everything is so green, like the color of new leaves when the trees are first turning green in the spring. So lovely! Honestly, if you ask what we did, there isn't much to tell. We did a lot of walking and exploring, ate some good meals, and did some serious relaxing. I was given a free bachata dance lesson on Friday night from a random man. It sounds weird, but I have been wanting to learn bachata, so I went for it and had some moments of hilarity learning to dance with this man! I think Anna and I both came back refreshed and a little bit in love with this small town. It is considerably cooler, because it sits on top of a mountain, so you can actually walk around midday without sweating. You can whitewater raft, horseback ride, hike, swim in waterfalls, and jump from cliffs...sounds ideal to me! So consider this my official recommendation for any future tourist stops in the DR...go to Jarabacoa!

Then, Sunday morning, I woke up super early to leave for the mission trip with the youth from the church. I was definitely intimated at first, because it is really hard to let your personality show when you are working with a language barrier. My spanish doesn't entirely suck, and I am definitely improving as I study each day, but it is still hard to joke around and be myself in spanish. I am generally really shy about speaking spanish. I understand way more than I say, because I have that natural fear or looking like/feeling like an idiot. I continue to try to let that go and just own my mistakes, but it is certainly difficult.

I am thankful I went on the trip, even if church dramas and all that this brand of evangelism entails are not particularly my thing. It was fun to watch the youth from this church go out and serve each other in ways that are truly sacrificial. We left yesterday at 6am, and got up this morning to come back at 4:30am, because they had to be back for work and school. I came back and was out of commission from the day because I was so tired, but all of these teenagers went directly to school and work. We slept on floors, spent two hours yesterday peeling potatoes for dinner, showered by pouring buckets of water over our heads, and piled into cars for hours of driving. All of this was done with smiles, a lot of fun, and genuine belief in their call to serve other Dominicans as God has called them to. It was fun to be with them for times of prayer, for preparation for the worship service last night, and as we stood together late last night and encouraged a pastor who moved to this country town not because it would be easy, but because it is the challenge God has laid before him.

I know I promised funny stories from the trip, but really am so impressed with this group that it is hard to make fun of it all! I did stumble into some pretty serious traditional gender roles, hence my having to peel potatoes for hours simply based on the fact that I am a lady. Otherwise, I swam in a river, came back with some SERIOUS bug bites (as in so swollen that I can't bend my knee all the way back at this point), and danced around the room with a little girl to Miley Cyrus singing 'Party in the USA.' All in all, not too bad of a weekend! At this point, I am saying yes to most of the crazy things my friends are asking me to do, because I want to soak up every cultural experience I can when I am here. I think I am competing in a bible school competition this week...not sure how that will go, but again, I am just going to go for it and see how it goes!

(the photos are my view in Jarabacoa, a little relaxing, and my bachata lesson!)

A new day

The craziness of American groups is over! The last group left on Saturday. The last few members of the American staff left early this morning. And then, there was one. Today is my first day off in a month, and my first day as a solo americana in the DR. I must admit, while I do miss my wonderful and hilarious staff, I am pretty excited for what this time alone will bring. I am excited to explore the DR. I am excited to devote most of my time to studying Spanish and strengthening the relationships I have here. I am excited to be a part of this community without having to always run around and take care of logistics. I am excited to just BE.

I am entering a month of unknown. The only rhythm to my days will be studying spanish with my dear friend Emmanuel each morning. Otherwise, my days are free for God to use and guide. The adventure is already beginning! This weekend, I have been asked to travel to Castillo with the youth of the church to participate in a mission trip. Now, when I think of missions, I think of construction and physical labor, so I obviously said yes when asked to join the group. Then, days later, I found out that no, we are not doing any kind of construction...we are doing a drama. Yes, a drama. And do I now have a part in that drama? Oh yes! This could be hilarious...all I know right now is that I am playing someone bad in the drama. I can't wait to share stories, because I can't imagine how piling into a bus with a bunch of Dominican teenagers to travel and perform a drama could NOT be hysterical.

Thanks for all of your prayers over the last month. My hope and prayer for this next month is that God will guide my days. There are so many families I will have time to sit down and talk with, and my hope is that God will show me where to go each day. I hope this month will change me. Because I have spent so much time here, in many ways, the DR is a part of my comfort zone. I hope that during this month, I am taken out of my comfort zone and challenged and changed by this place.

'May your unfailing love be my comfort...' Psalm 119: 76